"Highlander-Datsuns are Forever" (jamesbowland)
10/16/2020 at 13:19 • Filed to: Police Blotter
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"Highlander-Datsuns are Forever" (jamesbowland)
10/16/2020 at 13:19 • Filed to: Police Blotter | 11
| 23 |
!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!
12:16 a.m. The neighbors were welding loudly.
1:34 a.m. A bear was growling at some neighborhood cows.
5:05 a.m. A truck ran a stop sign.
7:31 a.m. A sleeping man “seemed agitated” when someone woke him up.
9:01 a.m. A woman was driving from house to house, possibly looking for drugs.
9:21 a.m. Black cows were meandering down the road.
10:16 a.m. A trailer ran over a man’s foot at a construction site.
10:58 a.m. A dog got loose and was maced.
10:59 a.m. A parent was concerned that a boy at another school wanted to fight their son.
11:17 a.m. The dog running wild at a Marion mobile home park has been an issue for the last month.
12:56 p.m. A dispute over a motor listed for sale on Facebook ended with allegations of face slapping, spitting and pushing.
2:37 p.m. A dog cited for excessive barking on Wednesday was back at it.
2:47 p.m. A kid showed up at school stoned.
3:19 p.m. Someone was heard saying “OMG we called 911” after accidentally calling 911.
3:42 p.m. A water truck possibly carrying septic fluid was losing its contents at a flow of “more than a garden hose at full pressure.”
4:30 p.m. A coffee pot fire spread to the stove.
5:11 p.m. Several juveniles were overheard talking about a “creepy guy” who comes to the park and throws rocks at them.
6:12 p.m. Someone was driving with their foot out the window.
7:12 p.m. A barfly from out of town was sharing his opinion that Montana needs to “redefine the definition of murder and what is and isn’t OK.” Another bar customer found that suspicious.
7:31 p.m. A neighbor apparently likes to go out after dark and fire shots from a large-caliber pistol.
8:42 p.m. A shirtless man in a Jason Voorhees-style hockey mask was putting rocks in his socks.
11:14 p.m. A man trying to call his “honey” accidentally called 911.
9:55 a.m. Someone worried the large, white bus was going to be a problem during an upcoming Trump rally, believing it was “related to Antifa.”
10:14 a.m. A man wanted the elderly lady across the street to stop driving into his car.
12:22 p.m. An SUV was found in a swamp.
1:55 p.m. A man was upset after a “very aggressive” person chastised him for not wearing a mask.
2:01 p.m. A stranger took a picture of a homeowner’s house and listed it for sale on Craigslist.
2:18 p.m. A fax machine called 911.
4:23 p.m. A fence was erected to keep an annoying neighbor at bay. Alas, he’s now throwing things over the fence.
4:33 p.m. A woman who bought camera equipment on Facebook “thinks it might be shady.”
5:22 p.m. A mechanic didn’t want to work on an irate customer’s vehicle because they had “a bad feeling about this guy.”
6:01 p.m. An unwelcome car in the parking lot was making other customers uncomfortable.
6:03 p.m. Two people were accused of blocking a man’s driveway.
6:17 p.m. A woman selling Trump signs told another person that she was aware of a busload of Antifa members staying at a nearby hotel who were going to show up at her rally. Law enforcement was not aware of “any Antifa in the area.”
6:54 p.m. A neighbor used a rock to smash some potted plants.
9:20 p.m. People were driving aggressively, revving their engines and “being rowdy” in the corner of a parking lot.
9:26 p.m. A $1,000 bike was stolen.
9:33 p.m. Periodic screaming was heard.
ranwhenparked
> Highlander-Datsuns are Forever
10/16/2020 at 13:34 |
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7:12 p.m. A barfly from out of town was sharing his opinion that Montana needs to “redefine the definition of murder and what is and isn’t OK.” Another bar customer found that suspicious.
Well, he could have a point, a lot of state murder legislation is needlessly confusing and out of date.
Like, say, hypothetically, you’re out drinking at a Greene Turtle on a Wednesday night and maybe have a couple too many, and, on your way out of the parking lot, you don’t see a large black object and run over it. Thinking it’s someone’s dog, you stop to check, but it’s actually a homeless man wearing a dark coat. He’s still alive, but injured badly enough that he probably won’t make it, so you step on his throat to put him out of his misery, then drive home and lock the car in the garage until you can figure out what to do about the smashed fascia.
Would something like that qualify as murder, or would it fall under some other charge? These are the kinds of tough questions the media should be asking of our politicians.
UserNotFound
> Highlander-Datsuns are Forever
10/16/2020 at 13:36 |
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Here’s a fun game - pick 3 or 4 and make a short story.
The Problem Solver
A parent was concerned that a boy at another school wanted to fight their son.
A shirtless man in a Jason Voorhees-style hockey mask was putting rocks in his socks.
Periodic screaming was heard.
A kid showed up at school stoned.
Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available
> Highlander-Datsuns are Forever
10/16/2020 at 13:38 |
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9:55 a.m. Someone worried the large, white bus was going to be a problem during an upcoming Trump rally, believing it was “related to Antifa.”
!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!
6:01 p.m. An unwelcome car in the parking lot was making other customers uncomfortable.
!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!
6:17 p.m. A woman selling Trump signs told another person that she was aware of a busload of Antifa members staying at a nearby hotel who were going to show up at her rally. Law enforcement was not aware of “any Antifa in the area.”
Clearly they are getting riled up about Miss Mercedes’ gambler bus project.
ibRAD
> Highlander-Datsuns are Forever
10/16/2020 at 13:39 |
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Can’t decide if this segment is satire or real!
LimitedTimeOnly @ opposite-lock.com
> Highlander-Datsuns are Forever
10/16/2020 at 13:40 |
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12:16 a.m. The neighbors were welding loudly.
12:56 p.m. A dispute over a motor listed for sale on Facebook ended with allegations of face slapping, spitting and pushing.
12:22 p.m. An SUV was found in a swamp.
5:22 p.m. A mechanic didn’t want to work on an irate customer’s vehicle because they had “a bad feeling about this guy.”
6:01 p.m. An unwelcome car in the parking lot was making other customers uncomfortable.
9:20 p.m. People were driving aggressively, revving their engines and “being rowdy” in the corner of a parking lot.
9:33 p.m. Periodic screaming was heard.
A number of these sounded very much like Oppositelock.
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UserNotFound
> UserNotFound
10/16/2020 at 13:41 |
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Everything is Alive
A coffee pot fire spread to the stove. A fax machine called 911.
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Highlander-Datsuns are Forever
> ibRAD
10/16/2020 at 13:41 |
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Yes.
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UserNotFound
> ranwhenparked
10/16/2020 at 13:42 |
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That’s, umm, murder, etc.
RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht
> Highlander-Datsuns are Forever
10/16/2020 at 13:42 |
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| Alas, he’s now throwing things over the fence.
Chariotoflove
> UserNotFound
10/16/2020 at 13:49 |
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This is what we do. I try to see how many I can string together. It usually ends up reading like an X-files episode.
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Chariotoflove
> Highlander-Datsuns are Forever
10/16/2020 at 13:51 |
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Wonder if it’s all the same dog.
The guy mentioned at 2:01 pm is my hero.
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ibRAD
> Highlander-Datsuns are Forever
10/16/2020 at 13:52 |
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Obviously!
2:53 p.m. In what was probably a coincidence and not a long-foretold harbinger of a certain thing that could be triggered by a great pestilence and, you know, everything else, four horses were spotted together.
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ranwhenparked
> UserNotFound
10/16/2020 at 13:56 |
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Follow up hypothetical. Let's say a neighbor was outside smoking a cigarette in front of his house and saw something he shouldn't. Can somebody trust a neighbor not to snitch to the police?
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UserNotFound
> ranwhenparked
10/16/2020 at 13:58 |
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Saw what? I didn’t see anything. I don’t even know what you’re talking about. Who are you?
nerd_racing
> Highlander-Datsuns are Forever
10/16/2020 at 13:58 |
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“ 9:21 a.m. Black cows were meandering down the road.”
Calling the cops on black cows now?
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Highlander-Datsuns are Forever
> Chariotoflove
10/16/2020 at 14:02 |
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Asshole move but if you hate someone that’s a good way to harass them.
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Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available
> LimitedTimeOnly @ opposite-lock.com
10/16/2020 at 14:04 |
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I think in a slightly different order those could be a short story.
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Chariotoflove
> Highlander-Datsuns are Forever
10/16/2020 at 14:06 |
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Exactly. In my mind, somebody messed with him and is reaping the consequences. I give extra points for creativity in revenge.
SBA Thanks You For All The Fish
> Highlander-Datsuns are Forever
10/16/2020 at 14:08 |
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I mean, who HASN’T thought about how flimsy, insubstantial and grey-area-y this is...????
7:12 p.m. A barfly from out of town was sharing his opinion that Montana needs to “redefine the definition of murder and what is and isn’t OK.” Another bar customer found that suspicious.
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ranwhenparked
> Chariotoflove
10/16/2020 at 15:01 |
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Actually, I suspect it could be part of one of those worn out old Craigslist real estate scams to either steal personal information from prospective buyers or renters, or trick them into signing up for a credit monitoring service with a monthly fee. Usually, they just copy pictures from real estate listing sites to pass off as their properties, but I suppose some could just take random pictures of houses themselves. One way to avoid having a watermark in the corner.
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ranwhenparked
> UserNotFound
10/16/2020 at 15:02 |
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The doll is trying to kill me and the toaster's been laughing at me
A Boy and His Longtail
> ibRAD
10/16/2020 at 15:14 |
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We have reached the point where satire headlines are more believable than real ones
Brickman
> Highlander-Datsuns are Forever
10/16/2020 at 18:13 |
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2:18 p.m. A fax machine called 911.
Complaining about the high cost of printer ink I assume :P